Man to Man.

Written by Bobby Gelter

You should be ashamed of yourself. The behavior you've shown is unacceptable, inappropriate, volatile and humiliating. While I can understand how emotional distress caused you to act this way, it is not an excuse. You can not force someone to care about you, and you can't force someone to talk to you- especially when you're being irrational, emotional and chaotic. You're lucky you didn't get the cops called on you, genuinely. You have a reputation to uphold. You have an army of people who love and support you, and when you let yourself down, you're letting them down as well. This ends now. No more showing up unannounced, no more invasiveness, no more harassment, no more fighting. Enough.

Now, your job is to completely remove yourself from his life. Do it for both of your peace. If you actually care about him, the only option now is to leave him alone. You've been an absolute terror, and it is no longer an act of love or about "chasing," it's dangerous and extremely unhealthy. Do not reach out ever again. Let him move on with his life, and you do the same. Take accountability, let this humiliation, guilt and shame fuel you to learn your goddamn lesson. This is no longer part of your identity, and it stops right now.

Now that I've given you a stern talking to, it's time to change.

First, you are going to stop punishing yourself. Instead, you are going to assess the wreckage, learn from it, and forgive yourself. Your emotional distress does not excuse your actions, but you have to forgive yourself to move forward. That doesn't mean you have to like yourself right now (and honestly, you shouldn't like this version of yourself). But you are not evil and you are not a "bad" person. You acted out of desperation and your emotions got the best of you. You're human. What defines you is how you proceed.

Next, you are going to take back your dignity. No reaching out, ever. Walk away for good, and do not revert. The damage is done in terms of this dynamic and relationship, but YOU are not damaged goods. Hold your head high, respect yourself and him, and finally show some grace. The best thing you can do is to remove yourself completely from this situation, and move forward with kindness, respect, and courage.

Third, you are going to protect YOUR peace. You are going to soothe yourself, comfort yourself, and take care of yourself. This means physically, emotionally and spiritually. You are going to have intense moments of grief, impulses to "relapse," and depression. That is unavoidable. Let your friends and family be a support system when you need to. Give yourself all of the things that you wanted from him. Listen to me clearly: YOU ARE DESERVING OF LOVE. Drink more water, drink less alcohol, let the tears out, keep going to therapy, use your creative outlets, exercise, be around people, spend time alone when needed, and look in the mirror until the person you see reflected is someone you are proud of.

Finally, breathe in this moment right here. The past is gone, and every second is a new opportunity to grow into the person you are destined to be. Starting now, you are reborn. You are emerging from the flames- not unscathed, but with battle scars that will serve as a reminder of your survival. You are unique, beautiful, thoughtful, creative, caring, funny, talented, brave and strong. The new version of you will never waver in believing that. The new version of you doesn't chase love and attention. The new version of you doesn't ring someone's doorbell a million times while being told to leave. The new version of you knows his worth, respects boundaries, and regulates his emotions. And that man? He's unstoppable.

In summation, stop being so hard on yourself. You can hold yourself to a higher standard and reject the mistakes you've made, while also cherishing them for allowing you to get to this place now. You have way too much going for you to jeopardize it all. The universe has your back, now you need to have your own.

I love you, I'm sorry, Please forgive me, Thank you.

(For those unfamiliar, this phrase is "Ho'oponopono," which is "an ancient Hawaiian practice of reconciliation and forgiveness, literally meaning "to make things right" or "to correct". It's a process of healing and clearing the mind of negative thoughts and feelings, recognizing that one's experiences reflect their inner state. The practice involves taking responsibility for one's actions and their consequences, and can be used to resolve conflicts, heal relationships, and release emotional burdens.")

And as TayTay says:

"Today is never too late to be brand new."

Love,

Bobby