A letter u won’t read

Well it’s been a busy, emotional, fun week. I’ve cried so much (good and bad). In my quiet moments, I’m itching to message you… test the waters, let you know I’m here. But I resist. I watched Wicked in Washington Park the other night and made some new friends (and met a cutie boy). I got to hear the new Lorde album early yesterday at a record store (and met a cutie boy). I had a dream last night that you were a murderer, and I felt devastated because I wanted to still love you and dream Me was trying to justify or triple check that it was true- I think that message was clear.

Not sure if you’re keeping tabs (you usually do) but I gave myself a buzz cut. It felt super liberating, but now I miss my hair haha. It’ll grow back. Are you going to Pride? I’m pretty nervous about running into you, though something tells me you might skip. Hope you’re doing fun things and thinking about me sometimes, I’m thinking about u too. Wish we could’ve tried harder to make it work, but I don’t think you wanted to. I’ll keep writing, listening to music, trying new things, etc. Trying to shed the layers of myself that hunted you like prey, and in doing so, I’m come across this sort of masculine energy. I don’t know exactly what it means, but it feels outdoorsy and simple and somewhat feral? Wearing a rubber band as a bracelet as a token of the feeling. I dunno. Anyway, Lorde’s about to rock my world when I can finally listen on repeat. So as usual when she releases, a new chapter is about to unfold. I can feel it. But I realized recently that there’s no “aha” moment for something like this - I make big declarations and then miss you later on. Guess some of us have a harder time letting go.

I threw your toothbrush and razor away. They were laughing at me.

Onward and upward-

Bobby